There is no script when firing an employee, which makes it more difficult. You want to say the right thing, connecting with your employee, letting them know that this decision took a lot of time and consideration, and it wasn’t one you reached lightly.
Saying the wrong thing will only alienate the employee further on their way out the door, and what you may sometimes perceive as a helpful comment or advice isn’t. What should you avoid telling your employee during the termination meeting?
Let’s see what not to say when firing someone:
- “I understand how you feel”
- “I’m here to help”
- “Let me explain…”
- “This is a good thing”
- “You should have known this was coming”
- “[name] did their job better”
- “I’ll let you know later”
- “I wish I didn’t have to do this”
- “I found this really difficult”
If you don’t see how some of the above phrases are problematic, you must keep reading. We’ll offer recommendations of what to say instead to navigate this difficult conversation smoothly.
What not to Say when Firing Someone: 9 Things You Should Never Say
“I Understand How You Feel”
No, you don’t.
Even if you’ve been personally fired from other jobs before, your employee doesn’t know that. When you tell them you know how they feel, it comes across as brash and condescending.
You may feel like you’re helping them by relating to them and expressing empathy, but all it does is twist the knife in deeper.
Besides, your employee probably doesn’t even know exactly how they feel right in that second, besides shocked. Getting terminated is like any surprising life event, from a breakup to a death in the family.
The emotions don’t come right away. It takes time for the employee to process, often days. And everyone’s experience is different when being let go, so you very well might not understand how your employee feels. Don’t try to relate personally to the employee. It’s not the right approach.
“I’m Here to Help”
This sounds like a positive thing to say, but it isn’t. The newly fired employee shouldn’t have to call on you for assistance.
Everything they need should be prepared for them already, such as a severance package, and information on when their final paycheck will arrive.
By the time they walk out of the meeting, they should know if they’re eligible for unemployment payments and when, which items they must return to your restaurant and when, and how long they have to gather their things.
That said, the ex-employee may have questions later. Rather than saying, “I’m here to help,” tell them, “You can call me or shoot me an email if you need clarification or have questions.”
“Let Me Explain…”
This is a huge no-no.
Many parts of the world don’t require you to have a reason for firing employees, which is wise from a legal standpoint.
The more explanation you give, the better the grounds for a lawsuit. Your ex-employee could sue your restaurant on grounds of ageism, sexism, ableism, etc.
The less you explain, the better. If you live in a state where you don’t have to legally provide an explanation to why you’re firing your employee, then don’t give any reason at all.
The employee will surely have questions, and that’s fine. However, you don’t have to answer them, and in fact, you shouldn’t.
You should have an HR specialist on hand during the meeting who can advise you how to handle the questions, even if it means bypassing them entirely.
“This Is a Good Thing”
This is a wildly inappropriate comment to make to an employee you’re firing.
Sure, they will land on their feet eventually, but you don’t know when it will happen, and telling them that losing their job is a good thing is outrageous.
Your employee could have been living paycheck to paycheck. They might be the only source of income in their household.
Even if they’re doing well off and have a spouse or partner who’s bringing in money, it’s never easy to be let go from a job. There’s no convenient time to do it, and it’s never perceived as a “good thing.”
Don’t say anything of the sort during your meeting. There’s no nice way to word this sentiment that doesn’t come across as backhanded and like rubbing salt in the wound.
“You Should Have Known This Was Coming”
Should they have, though? Yes and no.
Yes, because you should give your employees regular performance checks to let them know their strong suits and shortcomings so they can improve the latter.
If they haven’t been performing well, they should know that and assume that they could be let go, especially if they’ve been given multiple warnings or chances.
However, rather than firing your employee the moment they fail, you might retrain them or assist them one-on-one for a short period. If, even after all that, the employee failed to grasp the basics, then yes, you might let them go. At that point, it shouldn’t be a surprise to them at all.
Even still, there’s no need to tell your ex-employee they should have seen their firing coming. They might have had a (foolishly) blasé attitude about their job, and the termination catches them genuinely off-guard. Regardless, don’t tell them this during the meeting. Skip any rhetoric in this vein.
“[Name] Did Their Job Better”
This is another ultra-unhelpful comment you shouldn’t ever make. Comparing employees to their faces only serves to breed resentment.
The fired employee could target the model employee later, finding them on social media and harassing them, or even worse, discovering their address and causing menace or harm. It’s too risky to make these kinds of comparisons.
If you want to explain that another employee did something better than your employee, you shouldn’t use names. However, there’s really very little sense in making these kinds of comments once you’re terminating the employee.
After all, they can’t improve their performance now, as they no longer hold the position. Instead, you might make the above types of comments during your employee’s performance assessment while they’re still gainfully employed.
“I’ll Let You Know Later”
As mentioned before, you should have all the employee’s information, paperwork, and protocols at the ready before you sit down to fire them.
They don’t want to hear an answer like “I’ll let you know later” regarding when they can claim unemployment or when they’ll receive their last paycheck.
They’re entitled to these answers right away. If you can’t provide them, then perhaps wait to fire the employee until you can.
“I Wish I Didn’t Have to Do This”
It might feel good to you to let the employee know you wish you didn’t have to fire them, but what does it achieve for them?
After all, it seems deceitful. If you really, truly, in your heart of hearts didn’t want to fire the employee, you would have found a way not to. You would have convinced someone over your head to let them stay.
Hearing this is even more demoralizing when you’re the owner or boss, as you’re the one who made the final call. Saying you wish you didn’t have to but doing it anyway sends two very different messages.
You’re not going to make the employee think more highly of you by uttering this line. If anything, comments like these will breed contempt.
Don’t tell them you wish you didn’t have to do it. Just do it and get it over with, being respectful and cordial the whole time.
“I Found This Really Difficult”
Did you really? If it was such a moral struggle, then why do it?
Your ex-employee can see right through this line. They know you’re just saying it to soothe your own sense of pride or make yourself feel better, just like when you tell them “I wish I didn’t have to do this.”
These kinds of platitudes do nothing for the employee. It doesn’t matter how difficult it was for you to terminate the employee. They’re the ones who have to deal with being fired.
The termination meeting should ultimately be about the employee, not you. If you feel the urge to say something of this sort, ask yourself, “does this help them or me?” If the answer is the latter, don’t say it, or rephrase it.
Your employee is the one who must now pick up the pieces of their professional life and start over. They will have a much more difficult time, so don’t minimize that.
What not to Say when Firing someone: Bottom Line
There is so much you shouldn’t say when terminating an employee. Misspeaking can offend the employee and potentially lead to legal trouble.
The employee doesn’t want to hear about you when you’re firing them and how much you struggled with the decision or how bad you feel. You likely do feel bad, but it’s not going to make them feel better to hear it.
Keep it professional and courteous, and make it about them. Provide information on unemployment, severance packages, and final paychecks, but don’t answer specific questions about why you’re letting them go.
Above all else, be respectful. Don’t resort to name-calling, insulting, or arguing if the employee has an outburst. Expect this, move on, and try to end the interaction on a positive note.
